Refrian, Refuse
by wombat blainers
Summary: "Don't cry about it. I'm not worth those tears on your wonderful face," The smaller boy mumbled. "It can't be so wonderful if you won't look at it anymore." It's hard finding out you're in love. Even harder when it's your best friend.


It was weird.

Okay, no. It was awkward, but ultimately it was scary.

Finding out you're in love with your best friend is one thing. Finding out you're in love with your _straight _best friend is another.

Nick knew he loved Jeff as a friend but he didn't realize he was _in _love with him, and when he did, it seemed as if his emotions had just exploded.

Suddenly, he couldn't look at Jeff and not feel weak at the knees or all jittery inside, like he'd eaten a bag full of icing sugar. He couldn't stop stuttering when they tried to have a normal conversation, and couldn't stop blushing when Jeff would stand too close or move into his personal bubble.

It used to be easy with Jeff but now Nick felt on edge.

All the time.

After getting over the denial of his feelings, the dark haired boy had started avoiding Jeff. Whenever the tall blonde asked him out for their usual Friday movie and a take-out session, Nick backed out, saying he had a ton of homework.

At first, that excuse worked but soon enough Jeff stopped believing it.

"If you don't want to hang out with me anymore, Nick, just say so!" Jeff shouted one day, slamming Nick's dorm door shut and homing in on the smaller one.

"What?" Nick replied, much quieter.

Jeff ran an obviously frustrated hand through his hair, "If you don't want to be friends anymore, just - just don't. We never hang out anymore and every time I try and talk to you, you go all quiet and shuffle off somewhere!"

Nick bit his lip; he'd be caught. "I've just been busy is all..."

"Nick!" Jeff exclaimed, perplexed "You're currently sitting in your room ordering your DVD collection into Alphabetical order - you're telling me that you're 'busy'?"

Nick looked silently down at the DVD cases and shrugged.

Jeff's eyes narrowed and he dropped to the floor on his knees next to Nick. There was an awkward silence, and Nick continued to stare at his hands.

"We used to tell eachother _everything,_" Jeff sniffled.

Hold on_. Sniffled?_

"Jeff, are you crying?" Nick asked, unsure but worried at the same time. Jeff looked up and it felt like a punch in the stomach to Nick.

The blonde boy had tears in his somewhat bloodshot eyes and his hair was all mussed at the side. His lips were poised into a childish pout but his face was red and irritated from some of the salty tears. Nick still thought he looked beautiful though.

"I just miss you. You're my best friend and you never talk to me anymore, not to mention you avoid me all the time. Don't give me those wide eyes and try and make me feel bad, you know you have."

Nick bit his lip again and scratched the back of his neck nervously. That jittery feeling he got in his stomach was coming back again.

"Don't cry about it. I'm not worth those tears on your wonderful face," The smaller boy mumbled, ignoring the fact that he'd just called his best friend's-and-nothing-more face wonderful.

"It can't be so wonderful if you won't look at it anymore."

Nick froze again wondering what he should do. Eventually he just sighed and leaned back on the end of his bed, muttering, "You don't understand."

"Maybe you should explain it then" Jeff choked out, rubbing his face.

"Can you stop crying first?"

"Why?"

"It hurts to see you like this," Nick said softly, "Even more when it's my fault."

Jeff sniffed again and shuffled closer to Nick who had to stop himself from moving away out of habit. Jeff asked in a pleading voice, "Just tell me what's wrong, what I did?"

There was a lengthily pause where Nick thought about telling Jeff some lie but instead he sighed and whispered "You made me like you."

The blonde boy frowned, "I don't understand."

Nick shook his head and smiled bitterly, "Do you know what it feels like to suddenly realize you love someone so much that your heart feels like it can't handle it, that your gut starts exploding with some darned butterflies every time that person grins at them? Or how just by being in the same room as them makes you feel so low because you know you can't have them or you never will have them? Well, I'll tell you Jeff. It hurts, like a bitch. It's even worse when that person is meant to be your best friend, not to mention that they're your straight best friend."

Nick huffed almost angrily and turned away from Jeff.  
><em>Bye, bye friendship <em>his mind cooed. The dark haired boy began to get nervous when he heard no reply from Jeff but he didn't want to face him again. He couldn't.

"You-You- like me?" The blonde boy squeaked.

Nick ran a tired hand down his face, "I didn't want to. It just happened..."

"I don't want to lose you, Nick."

"But you don't feel comfortable right now either?" The dark haired boy guessed.

"Well, I just..." Jeff trailed off and Nick grimaced. "I'm just confused Nick, I can't help it. I love you okay? As a friend and-and I don't know about more because I've never thought about more. I could try, if you wanted to try, we could-"

Nick snapped around, eyes wide. "What do you mean 'try'? I'm not forcing some straight guy in a relationship with me just because he feels guilty!"

"What? No!" Jeff said, trying to put a hand on Nicks shoulder but it was ruthlessly shrugged off.

"Jeff, I can't allow you to do this. Not because you feel guilty. It's my fault, I was the one who-"

Nick was abruptly cut off by the feeling of soft lips hitting were barely there, a ghost of what could have been amazing, but it was enough for Nick.

Suddenly, just like someone had dumped a bowl of ice cubes into his pants, he jumped away from the blonde boy, bringing his hand to his mouth.

"Hm..." Jeff said contently, a tiny smile gracing his face as Nick widened his eyes.

Nick felt his cheeks blush read and he ducked his head "Y-You should leave..." he whispered.

"What?" Jeff asked, confused.

"Leave." He said again, only it was more forceful this time.

Jeff looked as if he was about to protest again but instead he stood up, knowing Nick was going to need some time to calm down and then they'd finally talk about this.

Or whatever this was.

Closing the door behind him softly the blonde boy let a finger travel over his lips.

He really did love Nick. He just wasn't sure in what way, yet.

* * *

><p><strong>A:N - I've really got into Niff fics. There really isn't enough of them... So, this is my first try. It's kind of angst because i'm not in the mood for fluff, tell me how i did? And I'd like to thank Millie (getmeoutofthistie) for being my beta because i'm way too lazy. <strong>


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